Reflecting on 2017

Happy New Year everyone!! I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas and a great time ringing in the new year. I had every intention of posting Monday night but as usual life got in the way so here I am a day late- I will eventually stick to posting on a particular day (goal for 2018 maybe?;). 
​

Whenever we tend to reflect on the year just gone it's easy for our minds to jump straight to the moments that weren't so great, completely skipping over the moments that were bloody brilliant. Our minds are so used to beating ourselves up that we think of the failures before we think of the achievements. 365 days is, in reality not as long as we think and in the midst of living life we tend forget about the goals we made all those months ago on January 1st. Then comes December and we feel like we've failed for not seeing those resolutions through. For me this year certainly went by in a flash and sat here today, I can't remember a single goal I made this time last year but that doesn't mean I didn't achieve big things!

I started this blog and although it's been rough to keep at it at times, I'm so glad I did. I turned 20, a birthday may not seem like an achievement but when depression and suicidal thoughts had convinced you, you wouldn't make it another year, it's a huge one. I walked a 25km charity walk, which tested every physical and mental strength I had but was easily my proudest moment of 2017. I started an online degree in something I love. I came off all my anti-depressants mid-year and have stayed off them. I got another part-time job. Those are just the big moments, there were many little things a long the way. If you're struggling to see how amazing you were this year, write down a list of everything you did and you'll see just how much you achieved in a short amount of time. It's important to take the time and celebrate your achievements, no matter how big or small they may be.

Within the good, there is also the exceptionally hard. The moments that really make you wonder how you're going to survive the rest of the year. The moments that will feel like the world is crumbling around you. They happen every year no matter how strong you are or how much you try to control the things around you, painful things happen in the middle of ordinary life and it hurts. This past year I was hopeful for health to finally come my way but I started the year in hospital and have ended it with countless specialist appointments, trips to A&E, tests after tests and a pretty awful health scare. Even though there have easily been over 50 blood tests, numerous medication trial and errors, hundreds of doctors appointments (I wish that was an exaggeration) and thousands of tears, but there has been laughs that outweigh the sobs, hope given, strength gained, and support received in many ways. Despite all the pain, I count myself lucky in so many ways and although I don't feel this way everyday, for the most part I'm thankful for the struggle. It has only made me fight harder than I knew possible, endure excruciating pain day after day and ready to tackle 2018 the only way I know how- fighting. 

As important as it is to acknowledge all the goodness the year had to offer, it is comforting in an odd sense to look back at the hurt, too. Comforting because you see just how much crap you fought through and realise you're 10 times stronger than you imagined. Give yourself some credit for getting through the year in one piece, it's not always an easy journey. 

I'm feeling optimistic about the year to come, a feeling that is quite new to me to have at the start of a new year. I have so many incredible things to look forward to the first half of the year- my 21st birthday, my best friend having her baby(can't wait!!), a trip to Amsterdam with my friends, my mum's 50th and going to my dad's in April with my cousin. So much stuff to look forward to and to focus on. 
​

2017 was a big year of growth for me and I'm excited to see what the next year has in store. I hope however you may be feeling about the New Year, that you've it in a great way. 
​

What were some of your achievements this year? 

What are some things you're looking forward to this year?