Has it really been 2 years? Hi Again

It’s been over 2 years since I last posted on here and somehow with everything that has happened in my life and the world since then, it feels like it was only last week. I never intended on taking a break. It wasn’t planned or thought out. The weeks just seemed to slip through my fingers. And then it turned into months. Then suddenly 2 years had gone by. The longer I went without writing, the more I felt this pressure to start again. So I stayed offline to regain some calm and gather myself. Perhaps a lot longer than I ever expected to. ​

I feel like I’m dusting off an old book and rereading it for the first time in years. I’ve missed writing and sharing my ramblings on the big, scary world of the internet. Yet as scary as it is, there’s something so comforting about writing on my blog. It’s like my safe journal, that just happens to be open for all to see. So perhaps it isn't really that safe at all. 

But I’m back and hopefully this time there won't be any year (or 2) long breaks in the distant future. In reality though, I never stopped. I’ve been writing blog posts on my notes at 1 am when my mind feels lost or my chronic pain is causing insomnia. I’m scared to jump straight back in, without acknowledging my disappearing act. I don’t want to pretend like I never left this blog abandoned in a sea of uncertainty. However, I want to start again and share all it is that I have written because it feels silly to pack it all in just because I feel like I’ve been gone too long. ​

​As much as I feel like it was only last week I posted (positive thinking to make the 2 years of neglect not seem too bad), my life has taken so many unexpected turns the last couple of years. So much has changed that I didn’t want to dive straight into it all within my first blog post. These things deserve their own post and explanation. But somehow with everything that’s happened, it’s lead me back to writing. So I’m taking it as a sign that I need to give this another go. But for now I'm going with the flow, no set date or schedule that I'll be publishing posts, just when it feels right. 

Part of me thought of shutting it down and never logging on here again. Maybe that would be easier but it wouldn’t be what my heart was telling me to do. I’ve spent the last couple months feeling like I’d left it too long and there was no point writing on here again. Clearly not realising that my fear and anxiety were making more time pass by. Anxiety has stopped me from doing a lot of things in life but writing this blog was something that gave me purpose and happiness. I want to fill my little corner of the internet with passion and purpose again.

So here I am. And I’m trying. And I’m writing again. And it feels like I’m meant to keep sharing my thoughts with the world- even if they aren't read by many. 

Coming back to the blog during a pandemic feels like a strange time to start connecting with this space again when there is so much heartache and struggling going on in the world right now. Yet, this space has always been about sharing my thoughts, anxieties and feelings no matter what is going on and I think the current circumstances is what is bringing me back here for comfort. I hope wherever you are in the world right now, that you are keeping safe and you are keeping hope in your heart that normalcy will soon return to our lives.